Tea Tuesday: 3 Ways To Know You’re Self-Sabotaging
let’s set the stage
It’s a Thursday afternoon and I’m sitting outside in the scorching heat, in the middle of a children’s playground. I’ve just gotten off from the swings where I was able to swing myself so high up, my butt came out of the chair and I got the tingles in my stomach - not knowing what to expect next. Yet, I kept swinging and pushing higher and higher because I knew that my butt would land back in that swing chair and I would be fine. Even though, my stomach tingles (fear) kept trying to convince me otherwise, with each up and down I pumped on the swing.
None of this is a metaphor. I am literally sitting on a picnic bench in a children’s playground.
How did I end up here? Frustration.
Which seems to be the only emotion I’ve been able to feel for the passed couple of weeks.
Retrogrades, am I right?
I was almost to the point of tears, sitting at my computer because my internet wasn’t working, because I had just messed up a call with a potential new client, because I was fighting with my best friends, because I had just finished a book and felt like I didn’t take enough away from it, because I wasn’t giving myself a break.
I literally teach people how to handle situations and circumstances like this. I teach resilience. I teach optimism. I teach confidence, organization, trust in the universe, learning when to let go, learning when to take a break, learning when to pivot, LEARNING HOW TO BALANCE..
I literally do this for a living - and in my own living, its so much harder to take your own advice.
I’m literally sitting on a picnic bench in a children’s playground.
I know, it seems ridiculous when you try to picture it, And when I look up and I see the red monkey bars and green slide and yellow rocking climb wall.... it doesn’t make it any less ridiculous.
But I got here because I knew I needed a change of scenery. I knew I needed to get out of the house.
And I knew I needed to close my damn computer.
So I got up and I let my body take over.
I fed my cat, because she was incessantly meowing. I put sandals on, grabbed my mini purse planner (because I KNOW inspiration always hits me when I have nothing to write with) and I walked out of the house. I didn’t even lock the door.
I got to the end of my street and was about to cross when I was like... Mmm, it’s freaking hot out… I should have brought some water. So I turned around, went back... and ended up packing a backpack of things.
I packed my mini purse planner, and I grab my iPad mini in my new keyboard case.
(Which is what I am now using to write this.)
I filled my water bottle, grabbed some oracle cards, my Kobo, wallet and chapstick — and I hit the road again. I didn’t have a plan on where I was going. I was letting my gut direct me.
Human Design - I’m a generator with a sacral Authority.
Which means, my gut has to make my decisions for me.
I’m not used to not having things to complain about (ew, double negative), or being not tied into the stories that I’ve written for myself.
Unlovable. Mistake. Not worthy. Easily left.
And it seems I still haven’t quite kicked the habit of creating problems for myself because being happy for too long is still foreign to me.
How to know you’re self sabotaging...
1. Something feels off, but you have no idea what
You know when you wake up and you’re like just, Ugh… something isn’t right. Something is gonna go wrong today - I can feel it. Something is just off.
Chances are.... nothing is actually off. You’re just trying to find a reason for your discomfort and if you’re anything like me...
your discomfort is… that nothing is wrong.
So to alleviate that discomfort... we MAKE things go wrong. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
A-HA - see! I knew something was off.
No, you literally created and manifested a problem because you’re more comfortable, you’re more used to things being wrong than things actually feeling right. And when they feel right, that’s when you feel like something is wrong.
See how backwards, twisted and unhelpful that is?
Time to break the cycle friends.
And you might be sitting there thinking, Well, what if something actually is off? If something is actually off… you will know it. You will figure it out. You’ll be able to figure it out. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.
We’re talking about when something feels like it’s off, and you can't figure out why.
THAT’S WHEN SELF-SABOTAGING IS COMING IN AND YOU’RE CREATING PROBLEMS FOR YOURSELF THAT DON’T ACTUALLY EXIST.
Self-awareness is really key for this though.
Having the mindset, and the tools in place to be able to differentiate when there are actual problems and when you’re just creating problems for yourself, because its too uncomfortable for you (right now) when things are going “too right”.
And it’s scary, I know it is. It’s scary to think about, Well what if I can’t figure out how to differentiate? Am I just going to continuously self-sabotage my whole life?
No — you’re not. It is possible, I’m proof that it does get better. But its a journey. It’s about starting and continue to move forward. Is it perfect, am I perfect? Absolutely not.
But I’m better… and I will 100% take better over where I was at the beginning of my journey.
2. you push your support circle away
I don’t know about you, but my go-to move when I start to feel like things are going too right in my life (lol why do we feel like that’s a thing?!) is pushing people away and being in complete solitude.
It’s like I punish myself for being human. Or I feel like I have to handle everything on my own.
MY BIGGEST limiting belief THAT I’M WORKING THROUGH IS MY INABILITY TO RECEIVE.
Receive anything. Love, compliments, money, friendship, praise, recognition, support.
I know I’m starting to self-sabotage when I start to retreat too much into myself. I don’t want to talk to people, I want to seclude myself and I think I’m going to make things better by cutting myself off.
I know that I won’t.
I know that when I withdrawn from my group chat with my best friends, that I’m starting to close myself off from love and connection. I know that when I haven’t checked in with my business coach in a bit, I’m starting to self-sabotage my business. I know that when I avoid going to CrossFit, I’m starting to sink into a rut of not taking care of myself.
It takes a lot of effort and consciousness to be aware of when you’re starting to self-sabotage. Being aware of what your signs are.
Its not like I’ve always known these things, or these triggers about myself.
(Oh my god, I wish — woulda saved myself a lot of headaches up until this point.)
But through my journey in improving my connection with myself and my truth, reconnecting to what confidence felt like to me, redefining what success looked like for me, in getting closer to fulfilling my purpose, I’ve been able to crack myself open and rewrite my stories.
And yes, I’m still rewriting these stories.
But I’m so much farther along now, than if I had continue to wait to start doing this work.
The longer you wait to start doing this work, the more you’re putting yourself, your life, your goals + dreams, and your loved ones at risk for dealing with your continuous self-sabotage.
3. things you normally love doing, don’t bring you joy right now
When I start to struggle to wake up in the mornings... I know I’m getting ready to put myself into a bad time. Yes- put myself there.
I am a morning person.
I looooove waking up with the sun, seeing Stella (my cat) gaze at me with her groggy eyes. I love feeling the stillness in the city’s energy before the hustle + bustle of the day starts. I love being able to take my time doing my morning routine before I start taking calls in the day.
And I know that when I wake up and decide to roll over and not get out of bed... I’m taking all of those things I love away from myself.
When my morning routine starts to feel like a chore that I “need to get through”... I know I’m in for a rough time because my energy isn’t aligned.
I know that when I start to make excuses to not go to CrossFit because I have to work on my business or I have to get my to do list done,, that I’ve hit that point. When my wellbeing and my physical movement goes... I know that I am setting myself up for disaster and I’m letting myself slip deeper and deeper into self-sabotage.
But again, I know all of this because I’ve started this journey. I know all of this because I’ve had coaches and colleagues come along with me on this journey and point things out that I might not have realized.
People who know the right questions to ask me, to get the impactful answers that are going to improve my journey.
If you know this resonates with you, and you know you that need to tools to get over yourself, get out of your own way... You know that you need this type of support to help you stay on track, ask the right questions, and lift that comfort level of happiness to be able to achieve the magic you know you're capable of achieving, then I would love to offer you an invitation into my 1:1 coaching program Clarity College.
Solution: clarity college
In Clarity College, we break it all down. First, we get really clear on what it is you actually want. Then we figure out whats holding you back, what stories are you telling yourself, and how are you getting in your own way.
After we know what we’re working with, we start to rewrite your story. Improve your confidence. Give you the tools and routines necessary to combat self-sabotage and overwhelm and be able to take that knowledge = resilience throughout your life, even after we’ve stopped working together.
And we end off with creating an action plan for you to live that BIG + free life, I know you’re craving.
Because I’m here to help you start from ground zero, and rebuild a solid foundation that’s going to take you far past anything you could have imagined for yourself, and will create a sustainable way for you to ditch the overwhelm and prevent the self-sabotage.
To take advantage of this life-changing program, all you have to do is apply for a consultation call with me below, be willing to get uncomfortable and see if we’re a good fit together.