Tea Tuesday: Why You Shouldn't Fake It Until You Make It
Live it until you feel it
Ever since I can remember, I’ve kinda always marched to the beat of my own drum. I questioned everything, I didn’t do things just because other people were doing them. I didn’t like things just because other people liked them, and even more importantly, I didn’t NOT like things I actually did like, just because other people didn’t like them.
All that being said, led me to live a life where people cocked their head at me a lot, made fun of me, didn’t understand me, and made me feel like I was “too different”.
What I’ve realized, and I think a lot of people are starting to realize now is that ‘different' is sometimes a good thing, and that difference is what makes you special.
Something I've always prided myself on, something people have always been grateful for, and something that has made me stand out against the crowd is... that I’m not fake. I physically can’t be. I loathe lying, gossip is the biggest waste of time and I’d rather say something to your face that might help you, than make my own assumptions and talk to everyone else about it behind your back.
I’d rather be seen as real and trustworthy (and maybe doesn’t always know when to shut up or have a very good filter) than not. But even beyond that, I’d rather FEEL real and trustworthy in my day-to-day life.
To get to where I’ve gotten to in my business, to have “made it"… none of it has been “fake” or “pretend”. It’s taken a lot of action, it’s taken a lot of hard work, it’s taken a lot of perseverance, resilience and grit.
These weren’t qualities I pretended I had, or I had to “fake” in order to have. There were already inside of me, just like I know they’re already inside of you.
And that’s why I have such a bone to pick with this terrible TERRIBLE advice “fake it until you make it.”
Why you shouldn’t fake it until you make it
1. it makes it seem like you’re pretending
The first thing that bothers me about this piece of widely used advice, is that it immediately insinuates that you don’t actually have what it takes inside you to “make it” in whatever you’re trying to make it in.
It’s telling you to “fake it” and pretend like you’re capable, until you eventually get to your end destination.
But what a lot of people don’t realize is that with that piece of advice, you’re already starting your journey off on a negative!
You’re already starting your journey off not believing in yourself, which frankly isn’t going to get you very far — but we’ll talk more about that in my second point here, right away.
When you pump yourself up by saying, “okay, I just gotta fake it, I just gotta pretend until I get there,” you’re signalling to your brain that these qualities don’t actually exist inside of you, you’re just pretending to have them to get through this hurdle.
Which means, you’re not actually doing anything or taking any action to start STRENGTHENING these qualities inside of you.
2. faking doesn’t lead to long-term results
So if you’re not actually strengthening these qualities, what happens the next time you’re working to achieve something? The next time you’re trying to “make it?”
You have to start at ground zero again because you haven’t actually built any resilience, any grit, any dedication on learning how to take action towards your goals, because you were just faking it, you were just pretending to be that person.
When you're faking something, you're not actually taking the time to learn anything. Which means, you’re only taking these non-beneficial shortcuts to your end result. But that’s going to have zero lasting effect the next time you want to work towards something. The next time you’re trying to “make it” with a goal.
Maybe your goal right now is to switch industries, to get a new job in a different industry than you have experience in. So you’re putting together a resume and cover letter and you’re faking that you know what you're talking about and that you're qualified.
How is that going to fare long-term when you’re then trying for a promotion?
3. feelings are the last thing to change
By trying to fake it or pretend you feel a certain way before you actually do, you are setting yourself up for failure. Because you're focusing on trying to change the way you feel about a certain goal, or aspect about yourself first.
But the thing is, feelings are unfortunately the last thing to change.
What we need to focus on first, is changing our habits, changing our actions to eventually get to that place of “making it.”
And then once we’ve made it, we’re able to look back and reflect on all the feelings, qualities, skills, resilience etc that have changed for us along the way.
In order for feelings to change, you have to show them proof of why they should change. You need to create that social proof for yourself. And you do that, by living it until you feel it.
Solution: clarity college
My first piece of advice to people isn’t to “fake it until you make it” — it’s “Live it… until you FEEL it."
You have to start LIVING as though you ARE that person with these skills and qualities to get to your end results.
Start living as the person who takes action, start living as the person who is brave and courageous and is earning their right to “make it”. Because once you start living that way, once you start proving to yourself that you ARE capable of these actions, that you DO have these qualities, you strengthen that social proof within yourself.
And the next time you’re trying to achieve something, the next time you try to “make it,” you’re so much farther in the game because you’ve already done the work in learning to believe in yourself, and in feeling what that success feels like from taking that action and living as that person..
Are you wanting and willing to live as though you are that person who “makes it?"
This is what I work on with my clients in my signature 1:1 program: Clarity College.
We focus on three pillars: Clarity, Confidence + Creation. Which means we get clear on what is is you want, who you want to be, and what’s currently keeping you stuck. We start to improve your confidence, how you feel about yourself, rewriting limiting belief stories that made you feel like you were capable of this change, this goal.
And then, we create an action plan so you can start LIVING as the person who is working towards and has achieve your end result.
And all you have to do, is live as that person in this moment and book a free Clarity Session to see how else we can work together to help YOU make it!